Songs and Ardency

Music is an art form with sound and silence as its medium.  Music comes in various profiles.  May it be as an instrumental music or a song, it certainly reveals many silhouettes of creativity.  It is significant to different cultures (geographic and virtual) as it is a tool of communication; an interpretation of what is now and what would become; and most of all, a way of life.   I may not be considered among the talents of the art nor someone who is musically inclined (such as the likes of DJs and even videoke stars).   And even in these times of music players, docks, and torrents, I may not still be an audiophile but I can assure you that music is very important to me.  Between the two mentioned (since the only ones I am really familiar with), songs are the ones I can most relate to.  As a lay person of both popular and independent culture, I understand that songs can be in acapella or accompanied by music.  I find music to be either for the cause or an accompaniment to the effects of my feelings.  When taking songs as causes like if I want to see rays of sunlight through the gray skies, I pop my headphones and press on my trusty Smartphone to listen to the digital genre brought by Owl City.  If I need to be defiant in what I’m about to do, I click on the marching rhythms of the songs of my age.  It wouldn’t matter if it is Fun or My Chemical Romance and Radiohead.  Most of the time, I play songs for causes.  It really helps me communicate and even manage my stress (and excitement at times).  This I apologize for the people around me if I ever pump the speakers up (and sometimes, even desperate to find one at almost anywhere when the plugs allow).

An equally important reason for me in listening to songs is for the purpose of effects of my feelings (TM).  I seldom do this because it does happen less frequently.  And when it does, it will take me time to find the right song/s and will burn my devices because I will have to set it in loop and play it like a hundred times.  I can remember my seatmate really going crazy and mad at the same time because the song, “Defying Gravity” by the Original Wicked cast is pounding in her head like nails already.  I would find myself interchanging speakers and headsets with that song.  At times, I would rest my ears to other pieces like, “I dreamed a dream” of Les Miserables and “Don’t Rain on My Parade” of Funny Girl.  But don’t get me wrong, I am not musicale (or even Glee-cast) fixated.  These songs just came at the right moment and I love them.

And this is one of those right moments.  A moment of letting go of uncertainties and fears.  This is a moment when I finally realized that someone is very important to me.  Came this time when I felt that I do care for him and see myself being with him if not forever, but at least every day of my life – sharing the all the cause of my happiness and letting him know that he is one of those reasons.  It was a very earnest situation that I found my emotions bursting with happiness and excitement.  In this stretch I found myself smiling almost every second of every day.  I’m probably smiling even at sleep and yes no one can arrest me for doing that so I might be keeping that up.  It came to me.  How was he when he’s waiting for that actual moment for me to feel the same?  I can only imagine the perseverance and importance he has for me.  It was already a glorious fourteen years that he is my best friend.  He is always there to listen even to my woes and just go along with my craziness.  It is now more of an exuberance that I can see that he can be more than that.  As I once told to a friend about my feelings, I only concluded that he waited so long to just give up; and I must hold on because I’ve learned to wait as well to just allow that.

Just recently, I also looked for the letters and cards my friends gave to me way back in highschool (even those that were given during college).  There I found some of his cards and letters.  I finally gave myself a chance to read between the lines.  There, I found his heart. I restrained myself as I noticed my eyes starting to water.  Indeed, I was and still am blessed.

With these moments that have happened, I patiently looked for THE song.  I rummaged through my drives and players for an eternity.  Then I found the very song that presses those very feelings in between the rhymes and lyrics.  I can’t believe that come a time that I will be doing this.  That song is “I won’t give up” by Jason Mraz.  The feeling was not the same compared to when I first heard it.  It wasn’t another song for me anymore.  I am reading and rereading the lyrics; listening in loops with the rhythm.  I am connected with the song.  Ultimately, I saw myself in his eyes when I listen (and even sing) this song.  I am praying that soon, I will be able to reciprocate the waiting I caused him.

And again, yes, “I won’t give up” because he waited so long to just give up; and I won’t let that happen because I’ve learned to wait as well to just allow that.

Lyrics of “I won’t give up” by Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You’re still my friend at least we didn’t tend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
I’m still looking up

I won’t give up on us
God knows I’m tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up…

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